Sexuality for ALL!
I talked at the abil.org Men’s Group about Mental Orgasms and their actual existence! This was a great group of men with intelligent and deep questions. I really enjoy being challenged by questions related to relationships, physicality, brain functions, and basically every angle there can be on the issue. I usually prepare for a few questions and interest, but the questions are not as dimensional and in-depth – a great change of pace!
After the talk, I was asked to do an interview and was very happy to oblige. Once in the interview a question was asked that I admit I forget at times after such a great talk withvibrant men – (paraphrasing) “What do you think about society’s view of disabled people as not-sexual?”
My mind did a double take – REALLY! We are in the year 2010 with technology, open discussion of sex, and sex being a part of most media (by my opinion) and we still wonder – is sex for everyone? I of course have a scientific answer about the an
thropology of sex and how our bodies seem to want to live, breath, eat , and procreate and how the body protects these mechanisms both in the body and mind. Though the real answer I like to give is that we are all people and have certain wants and needs. Sexuality and sex are not a “need” like food and water that we must have every 3 days, but are still a need – just check out Maslow’s hierarchy of needs – its there! It is even there with the basic needs with food and water!!!! This is even before safety (which helps explain all the babies that are born 9 months after blackouts J ).
I read on the ABIL.org website that 60% of spinal cord injured people are injured males under the age of 30. Please tell me that you understand that a man age 30 who has a change in physical functioning would still think, want, and crave sex. A spinal cord or brain injury is not a castration of the mental and physical wants and needs of being close to another person; sharing an intimacy that also includes physical intimacy.
Yes, I know there are complications. Getting an erection, having ejaculation, and basically then even feeling the physical pleasure can difficult or non-existent. The experience and differences post-accident are very individual and should not be generalized to assume all people with spinal cord injuries have the same reaction. Though, doesn’t the mind do a lot for us in this area? I can enjoy reading about being on a beach with the sand on my feet and wind in my hair and enjoy the warm sun and salty sting in my nose without stepping foot out of Arizona. I can also enjoy giving a backrub and that I am giving pleasure to someone I care about without getting the rub myself.
The appreciation of more than simply physical stimulation on the genitals is a broader and, I believe, more enjoyable experience of sexuality. So please, take a moment to stop seeing disabled people as pseudo-people and thinking that they have pseudo-sexuality – it is real and not imagined and thus can also be really satisfying as well.
Happy orgasms or better yet – Happy Sexual Security!